“If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me” (Matthew 16:24, NASB)
It is easy as a wife and mother, as someone who often cares too much, to feel like I know all about dying to self. And yet, reading this article from Billy Graham’s website has me convicted. Lately, I’ve been very focused on what my husband isn’t doing for me, what I feel unsure of in our lives, and how I wish he would change. It’s been augmented in terrible ways by everyone in my life who knows what’s going on telling me their own opinions. I’ve even prayed for my husband to change and I all of a sudden realized this morning that I need to pray for him, not against him. And that I need to pray for me.
Yes, I hate feeling like I’m the only one in our family who thinks of the practicalities. But praying that my husband change his dreamer ways instead of appreciating them and praying God sends some other solution is only another death knell for our relationship.
Yes, I worry for our future and I wish he were more stable so I felt more steady in life. But in reality, I do know that the only real safety is in God.
Yes, I get bothered that he doesn’t seem to have a knuckle down and do what needs to be done spirit. But I need to pray that I can see the spirit he does have through God’s eyes, not that God changes him into what I think is right.
I need to die to myself today. To leave behind my selfish worrying, my petty criticisms, and to go to the one who created and planned all of this with them, leaving them at His feet. I need to remember that I’m putting myself in God’s care. For today, I don’t need to worry about this. For today, I need to calm myself and live in God’s loving hands. For today, I need to just remember to rest in Him, and let Him work on me, instead of trying to force my ways onto God and my husband.
I Thank You for the clarity You have given me this morning. I Thank You that you are showing me that I have no control, but You have all of this handled as always. I am so grateful to know I can back float through this day on the waters of Your love and Your reassurance. I Thank You that even though I am sometimes blind to it, You have made Stephen for Your purposes and everything about him is by Your design. Help us as we strive to build a life together, as we try to change together in the ways that You call us to change, not in the ways that we are determined are best. Remove the scales from our eyes, Lord, and let us see each other through Your vision. Let us be the best parents we can be for our child, help us to show her how to accept criticism and love the criticizers because Your word tells us that the wise accept rebukes and listen well to criticism. Lord, Please bring peace to our household and show us the way forward on Your path, not our own.
In Jesus Name, Amen