The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked shall be upon himself.
John 8:36 - If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
1 John 4:18 - There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.
For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
I have been letting an epic battle rage within my heart for actual years now. It’s staged between fear, guilt, and the urge to be free. And I realized just today, that maybe Idolatry is also featuring there. You see, I have long let myself, in a deep dark box I keep locked away in my heart, believe that if I was a Good Daughter, in fact a Perfect Daughter who did everything she could to improve her mother’s life, then I would somehow be worthy and worthwhile and happy and everyone around me would be happy and things would be… well, perfect.
Blasphemy to a high degree, all that. And I let it poison a lot of my time here on earth. It is a deep rooted seed now, and hard to work out of myself. But I’m trying so very hard. Because I know, by the Spirit which is within me, that it is completely wrong. Not only that, but it’s a hurtful ideal. It is hurtful to me, to my soul and my body, and it is harmful to those around me because my singular focus on the idol of this idea of myself as a perfect person has defined (in often harmful ways) my relationships, my daily life, and my attitude.
I am often angry and frustrated and I realized just lately that it is mostly because I often feel I need help with things and I never ask for it. I never ask because in my mind, the perfect person I long to be wouldn’t need help. This person I pretend to be, who is somehow ruining my earthly life, is also a major stumbling block on my walk with God. She interferes because I accidentally worship her. I put her and the trying to be her in front of everything. I look to this false person, who will never exist, as a savior, when I already know who the true Savior is.
This is a reason I may need to be making some big changes in my life as I move forward on my path with God, and I am afraid of it. The fear is in me as deep as the evil roots of this idea, and I am conquering it over and over again each day. I can not bow to the fear that changes will cause sorrow or hurt, because changes led by God are all I’m allowing in my life these days. I pray on everything and He leads me in every way. I’m not saying all my decisions will be right because of that, but I’m saying I trust now, that God will save me from my own stupidity and ridiculousness and that He will do as He has promised and set me free.
I am praying on all of this tonight, and you certainly can pray with me if you’re feeling trapped by fear or guilt. Our Lord does not want us to suffer under these misconceptions. He’s already made us free! Will you accept it with me tonight?
Savior, I accept that You have called me, as Your born again daughter, to be free. I gratefully accept the gift of this freedom, and I ask that You show me the way to bring this out in myself, the ability to be free from guilt and fear, especially as motives. I ask it not only for myself, Lord, though I do so long for that freedom, but so that I may better serve Your purposes. I am trying to see my calling from You, Lord, and to serve Your will on this earth, and what keeps finding me instead is this large road block of guilt, and fear, and idolatry. And I confess, Lord, I let it go on, I didn’t see it, and I am suffering for it when it is my own mistake. But, Lord, I know You and Your Grace are sufficient to forgive that, and I am so happy to gratefully take on that forgiveness. I know that from this moment forward, when I feel guilty, I can pray. When I feel fear, I can pray. When I see myself worshipping a perfect ideal instead of You, a Perfect God, I can pray. And I know that from the moment I pray, You will free me from all of that. I am so grateful that You will, Lord, and I look forward to doing Your will on this earth, however I may serve it. I know that You have freed me from the responsibility I feel to take care of others more than I should, Lord, because that is Your job. I am so happy that you have freed me from the guilt I have that I am not a perfect person, because I know I am a person who can do Your service, Lord, and that is all that is needed. I thank You that You have given me the self control to overcome these things, and to begin a new day tomorrow, in complete and true freedom! In Jesus’ Sweet And Holy Name, Amen.